Back after months.

You know....I've been thinking about my life for sometime...I mean the future...all this fuss by parents and relatives and sometimes even friends....it's all meant for good and however irritating it makes you sound....it does make you think.
So here I am....I've been out of my hometown(Delhi) for the past couple of weeks and haven't really got a lot of stuff to do here in Bangalore so this is what I did...I thought about myself and some close family.
In the course of my trip I have been feeling a bit different about myself...it all started with someone I met on the train on the way here...and it got fueled by another someone I met here...while I don't remember the names of any of those two people I do remember that they were both woman(girls rather.....woman are hard to find)...
Now....I've always been thinking that my life does not and will not go according to the system...I can not go by this system....and until I grew up to what I am now...I have been doing exactly as I thought...well....most of the times....and now that I have grown...I have been spot on...my parents want me to study hard get a job and be successfull...but I remember asking myself in class 9...is getting a job and being rich really what you call successfull...will all the money in the world make me what I want to be or will I be just another pawn of the system...so this is what I did...I played(still am) with my life...I've watched people...observed them...from a little boy with ambitions to a just got a job engineer to a grown up man supporting his family well....and my observations state that all of them are not what I want to become...simply speaking...it's not money that I want...it's life...now maybe if I don't have money I will die young...maybe even before thirty...but does it really make a difference...this is when I thought....it really doesn't...you know...there are people who earn well and can do a lot with their money...but there lives all have a simple routine....wake up...go to work...come back home...argue with the wife...go to sleep...do it again...but me...no sir...I wake up...I look up at the sun...and for a while everything goes dark for me...and in that darkness...I realise...ok...I want to do this today...I don't look for company...I just go and do it....now I'm sure my friends would love to do a lot of stuff that they don't know me doing...but what the hell...I can't wait to tell them...they have their lives like they want...they don't complain...there's only one time that I will think about this thought in the morning....and that is when I think that ok I wanna go up to the top floor...jump off it and die...that is when I'll stop myself and think if at that point I really am happy...if the answer I give myself is yes...then what the hell...go ahead with it...if no...then...look at the sun again....and till that time I will take my life to be awesome as hell and I'll go ahead with it.
Maybe what I do is all a big mistake...maybe it's a bad thing...but hey...good and bad are just perceptions...so I say....onwards sailor...